Abusers are not easy to spot. There is no 'typical' abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. They often only abuse behind closed doors. They also try to hide the abuse by causing injuries that can be hidden and do not need a doctor.
Abuse is not an accident. It does not happen because someone was stressed-out, drinking, or using drugs. Abuse is an intentional act that one person uses in a relationship to control the other. Abusers have learned to abuse so that they can get what they want. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological.
Abusers often have low self-esteem. They do not take responsibility for their actions. They may even blame the victim for causing the violence. In most cases, men abuse female victims. It is important to remember that women can also be abusers and men can be victims.
There are no set reasons why men abuse women. The following are some learned behaviors that can contribute to abuse. There is also listed what does NOT cause or contribute to violence.
Learned Behavior:
- learned through observation
- learned through experience and reinforcement
- learned in culture
- learned in family
- learned in communities; schools, peer groups, etc.
Not Caused By:
- illness
- genetics
- alcohol and drugs
- out-of-control behavior
- anger
- stress
- behavior of the victim or problems in the relationship
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